“I love you Pia, I can’t just be friends with you... is difficult to be cool friends with the woman my heart beats for, the woman I’m totally in love with, right from the first day I set my eyes on you, I have tried to be in that friend zone but is not working for me, I think of you all the time, just you Pia,I don’t just want to be friends with you i want more than that… please… my family, dad and mum loves you, I have tried to respect all your wishes and to keep my emotion in check, I try not to allow my emotion to run wide but there certain things we can’t control, I know you got someone, your country man but the person is not here with you like I am always…and is being over three years if not four now and…you haven’t seen him, all through the years I have being the one here with you not him Pia, is being me, even Keisha your friend knows the way I felt about you and she has tried to speak to you for you to reconsider but you just don’t want to, which make me wonder what could still be making you so faithful to man you have never seeing for years, and you keep ignoring the one that is always alert to every of your needs, I don’t want to be self centred but I want you…I just want you to think of me more than a friend…we have being friend for too long because you don’t want more than that….you always tell me you got somebody back in your country…I have tried not to bug you or disturb you again but I can’t help it, having you in my life is all I want Pia, I can’t hurt you Pia…I promise, I want you forever in my life, my family are not racist, my dad is a pastor and he is willing and ready to come plead on my behalf because I have told him so much about you, same with my mother, sometimes I just dream of walking down the aisle with you and my dad officiating our wedding in Baptist church, I have so much hope and believe that someday you will have a change of heart and to accept me, but it seems to be taking forever Pia, is so painful when you keep putting me off, I know you love me but you just don’t want to show it or accept it, your feeling is divided between the other guy and me, I love you more than anyone could ever do, nobody can love you like I do, if you ever agree to…to accept me and my family lets plan for the future together…please Pia, I’m ready to travel back home with you to meet your Dad, even my parents will be willing to do that…we are loving people…you will come to see that for yourself…my mum talks about you always and my siblings loves you too…you already know that right..? Please say something…this is crazy…I’m going…crazy because of you…I love you Pia…
I was quiet and couldn’t just say anything, I don’t just know what to tell Moore, he has being a great friend, and has patiently be waiting for me to someday accept him, but I can’t do this, how do my dad knows that this will happen, that I may start having a double feeling, I wonder how my dad foresee this happening when I was thinking is not possible, but I can’t hurt Jerry, no i can’t.
I was still thinking about it all when Moore gently moved closer and it was as If i wasn’t thinking anymore, and we lock lips, yes we kissed like our lives depends on it, it was as if Moore was releasing all the stored emotion he has kept in for years on me as he kissed me, I tried to pull off but he wasn’t ready to let go, and when he finally did we were both out of breath, I quickly stood up, this is really crazy, I need to clear my head..i need to be alone, if Moore is there in the same house with me something else might happen, because it was as if I can’t control my emotions again after the kiss, so I asked him to leave, he pleaded but I insisted and even shouted for him to leave when he was not ready to make any move, he quietly left and I watched him from the window as he went into his car and stayed for a very long time probably waiting for me to change my mind but I was not ready to change my mind, I have to stay strong, if I invite him in again something more than kiss may happen and I may never forgive myself if it happens, so he needs to leave so that I can think straight, as I watch him from the window, he was just sitting in his car for over thirty minutes out side my house, he didn’t make any attempt to drive, he just sat there, later my phone was ringing and when I checked it was him, I didn’t pick at first but he continued to call, I later picked the phone,
“Pia, I’m sorry…I just couldn’t hold myself anymore, I have held it in for too long…I’m still outside, I haven’t left yet, please come outside, we may go to my place or to any where of your choice, I just can’t leave like this, or please let me in, I just want to be close to you…I can’t control the way I feel about you anymore, I’m sorry I probably went against your rules, you want me as much as I do, why are you holding back, we are meant to be together…please let me in or you come outside please Pia…because I’m not leaving here until you answer me…why are you afraid…what exactly are you afraid of…I’m tired of pretending to be just a friend…I want you Pia..and I know you want me too…
“Moore go home, let’s just pretend that the kiss never happened, I can’t be with you, I can’t let you in or come out, I’m also sorry …for everything… but you really need to leave, …I’m sorry but I need time to think straight…I don’t want to get your hopes up but we can’t be together…we can’t be together Moore..
I ended the call and didn’t even answer him when he came out from the car and came knocking at my door again, Moore waited over an hour before driving off, jerry called in the night and the following day but I couldn’t pick, I needed to speak to my dad and when my dad finally called me the second day, very early in the morning he was sounding excited
“Princess Pia, how are you doing this morning, I wanted to be the first to wake you up, and to say good morning or where you awake already, how’s the weather this morning…any plan for today yet..
“I don’t really have much plan today, just want to visit the library, you know I’m rounding up with my program before this month ends, will soon be entering another section, but that will be by choice, if I still want to continue, so I’m just doing more research than classes now and also designing more, because I have more free time now unlike before…but I don’t feel too well today…
“what is wrong dear, is it still the migraine you complained of the last time or flu, I told you Pia, you really need to take rest from over working yourself, maybe you should pulse from the fashion thing for now until you are totally fine, and Jerry also came, he looks sad, he said you have not being picking his call, he thought he did something wrong that is making you to ignore his calls, he is worried, is it because you are not feeling too well and you don’t want him to start worrying over your health, I just want to know what he did wrong, you know he loves you and you not picking his call is eating him up…what’s the problem dear…tell me did he do or say what you don’t like and hope is not that white guy that is consuming your time…just tell me what’s going on…
“Jerry didn’t do anything wrong but I did, I don’t know…what’s wrong with me… is Moore dad, we kissed… three days ago, and more could have happened if not that I asked him to leave, I didn’t plan for it to happen, but Moore was always with me, we became to attached to each other and I started having a crumbled feeling which I didn’t want to admit, but I tried to keep it normal but the more I see him everyday the more my closeness grow with him…i have asked him to stop seeing me for the main time so that I can have time to think straight…
“hmmm…I already know it will come to that..i told you Pia, that white guy was in love with you…just from watching him from the video you usually send to me, he was deeply in love and you can’t just be friends with some one like that, is just a matter of time and you will also start having feelings too for him, there are things we can’t control no matter how we try to, you see Moore almost everyday and you do lots of activities with him, is only normal for such to happen, Jerry is far away back here, and you haven’t seeing him for over three years going to four years, sometime out of sight is also out of mind, but I know you have both tried to be faithful to each other and that’s genuine love, I’m glad you stopped Moore from trespassing, don’t hit yourself too hard, you tried by not allowing your emotions to get out of hand, you can’t be just cool friend with somebody who is deeply in love with you… it doesn’t work that way, is just a matter of time and you will also fall into same line, do you want to come home, Jerry misses you and I know you miss him too, maybe if you see Jerry again you will stop being confuse or worried, and also Richie is getting married to Sonia, I guess he already told you that, there wedding is next month end, I wish you will be here before then, I also got another surprise for you but I don’t want to talk about it over the phone, I don’t know how you will feel about that but I can only speak about it when I see you face to face, please try to create time to come home, Jerry really miss you, and is written all over him, and you.. not picking his call again is bad Pia, do you want to kill him, I mean that young man is so heart broken because you have not being taking his call, he loves you and will be very hurt if you start avoiding him just because you kissed another man, I also miss you and want to see my daughter again, I want to hold you again in my arms, is being years dear, we all miss you over here, please round up with your programme and let’s know if you can pay us all a visit, don’t worry it will be a surprise for the others, I won’t let anybody know that you are coming over not even Jerry…is that okay…you miss Jerry right…?
“yes dad…is okay..i will like that and yes I miss Jerry…I will quickly round up with what I have at hand and fly down…I have also missed home…just don’t know how to face Jerry after getting involve with Moore, and we actually kissed and I can’t deny the fact that it feels good…I wanted more but have to hold myself from doing that…
“that’s good, I’m glad you held yourself, don’t worry Jerry’s kiss taste even better now than the last time, far more better than that white guy who knows nothing much about you, Jerry knows you from grass to grace, he can tell your story better than any man, he has being patient and has not seeing anybody to equal you, I speak so much about him because I spend more time with him this past years you have being away, he has proving to be a best friend you could ever have and my future son in-law, and I know you love him too the only problem now is the distance relationship, and you are a pretty young girl and is okay to be tempted, let’s just call Moore your man crush and nothing more, you have loved Jerry right from your teenage days and even now, and you will see him soon and Moore will be forgotten, I will be looking forward to that day you will be coming home, and will be at the airport to pick you up, but don’t ignore Jerry’s call again, I love you my daughter…remember you matter more to me than everything in this world put together, be happy and live today like it all matters…
So it was a long talk with dad, I laughed at some of his jokes which made me feel better, after the phone call I felt relieved, and just in few weeks I will be home to dad, Jerry and everyone, I don’t know what surprise dad said he has for me,
i still wonder what the surprise could be that he doesn't want to speak over the phone but will say only if he sees me physical,
well let me go and get ready to journey down for whatever could be waiting for me, i'm keeping my fingers cross.
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